Wednesday, 31-Mar-2004 10:19 PM

15 minutes off the phone and I miss my Salami already!

From the moment you said goodbye and 'I love you' ....sigh, I didn't want you to leave :) I wanted it to be you waking up and me waking up and us eating breakfast and getting ready to go out for a day of fun at the beach :) Finding those sand dollars to replace the beautiful one I dropped and eating ice cream :D

Many times I daydream but sometimes I daydream in what feels like five dimensions. I can smell the warmth in the air and feel my hair move as I stroll into an oncoming breeze. I remember how the sun hit the water and at times I wouldn't be able to continue looking because it reflected so brightly, like light on crumpled foil and it hurt my eyes. I remember being so excited when you found a whole, intact sand dollar and I carried it so delicately in my hand, in two hands in fact, all the way to the icecream store. Then I was momentarily captured by all the different flavors behind the glass and like a 5 year old girl, dropped the sand dollar out of my hand. Time didn't stand still at that moment but every second was held for five and I watched in slow motion as it fell, knocking against the glass, against the counter, against my hand, doing multiple sommersaults before contacting the linolin floor and melting into it. You couldn't see the patterns on it anymore. You couldn't even tell what it was. Every attempt I made to salvage it failed. I can still feel it dissolving into tiny sand particles on my fingers :( When I remember all this, the dissapointment I felt resurfaces and it takes the whole of me. I wanted you to go home and leave me there until I found another one. I would have stayed there until the moon came out to help me search.

Wednesday, 31-Mar-2004 4:22 PM

Hi-ho, hi-ho, to boxercise I go!

Monday, 29-Mar-2004 8:10 PM

Week 5 of uni already!?

Everyday it's the same ole same ole. I get home and I'm just so tired. I get home with every intention to do this and do that and catch up and get ahead on all this work and then have all this spare time to sit on my ass and be proud of myself for having put in the hard yards but the idea fades as soon as I pull up to house and get out of the car. It's like my brain switches off and everything else wants my attention. The computer calls to me. My stomach requests a snack. The tv insists on being turned on. Now how can I deny these things of my attention!?

I can't, that's what. So now I'm falling asleep and all I've done is eat udon noodles and icecream in front of the tv and watch as five gay men intoxicate me with their crazy energy.

Clinic was alright. The supervisor had a go at me for my careplan because he didn't like the diagnosis I made...blah blah blah. It depressed me for a while and sat in the back room contemplating on sending messages to my dad (who is overseas) in hopes of some sympathy and comforting words.

Now that I think about it, I had a nap earlier today when I came home. I called Salami and we got to talk a bit...seems like forever since we got a chance to talk. Yesterday I tried calling him numerous times with no luck and decided to go out and catch the Indonesian Festival at DH instead (check out the stall that has Sexy Cafe in it's title!). Just when I'm about to email him saying I won't be around, he logs in and I don't know why, but I was angry. Then anger turned into guilt when he could stay to talk and I had already made plans to go out. Grr. Plus this whole daylight savings thing makes it even more difficult to talk to him. On the upside, it should give me more time to get things done. Or perhaps more time to divide my attention between my stomach, tv and the computer =/

Sunday, 28-Mar-2004 1:26

Post BBQ Blues.

Sometimes I really like driving alone but times like tonight, I wish he were here. The bbq was pretty good. Weather was good, food was good, the new massage thingy my brother got was good (oh so good!), company was good. I might just have to get me a magnetic dart board of my own too.

Anyhow, I washed up and changed into pjs, all ready for bed and decided to call salami. We were going to talk earlier today but he went out and then I went out and it turned out to be a bunch of emails explaining where we were instead. So I called him and he's at the car place getting a new radio installed in his car. He said he was waiting in the waiting room and didn't know how long they'd be so I said I had good timing calling him then. But then things went pretty quiet on his side and I asked if he wanted me to let him go and talk some other time and he actually agreed. Said it probably wasn't the best time to call and as much as I understand that you don't want to be talking about personal things or anything close to that when a whole bunch of macho guys are around fixing cars, I was hurt. Extremely hurt. It even surprised me when I felt and heard my voice breaking while trying to say goodbye.

So here I am. Alone. Sad. Alone.

I've been dying to talk to him for days now too :( He sent a few pictures over in an email but I don't think I can look at him right now. I think I just need to sleep this off. I've an hour extra to get over it too, thanks to Daylights Savings (don't you people forget now!).

Saturday, 27-Mar-2004 5:19 PM

A belly full of meat.

I'm getting ready for a bbq my bro's having (yet another party to celebrate his bday, this time with friends) cept all I really want to do is catch Geoff Huegill on the tv and sleep! Had lunch earlier at Newtown - a big burger and deliciously oily chips! Oh so good. My sis and I split this chocolate raspberry cookie that reminded me of this pile of dogcrap we once saw on our trip to Adelaide which had shiny ruby-looking things in it! Mmm, goodstuff.

So much for catching up on work today :( I tried, honestly! Each page of my TPT lecture notes makes me want to fall asleep though. Correction, each line. Plus I've recently discovered miniclip.com and have been wasting my time playing Fowl Words :(

Friday, 26-Mar-2004 7:54 PM

Recaps!

Well I'm back with most things installed again. It's been a busy week and I honestly can't believe it's already the end of it. I'm dying to see the Tokyo Shock Boys but no one seems interested! I was thinking of getting my brother a ticket as his birthday present but I knew my mom would be annoyed about it - she'd think it was a waste of time and money (oh, shaddup!).

Speaking of mom, this morning she asked what time I'd be home from uni and I said I finished at 3pm but I wanted to buy my dad a bday present right after it. She says 'oh, then you have to mail it to him' and I find out she was flying off at 2pm. Talk about being a tight knit family and not knowing what's going on! :P So I rushed back home for my break thinking I could make it to the airport and back in time for my next class but my mom's flight was actually at 4pm and she only had to be there at 2. So I pretty much came home to her rushing like a maniac to finish packing her suitcase and peaches for my dad. I cleaned the house a little bit and made everyone packet noodles for lunch and then I was off to uni again. Don't I feel like a domestic goddess.

Yesterday was my clinic supervisor's last day and most of us on the shift went out for dinner at this local Indian restaurant. It was so cute, having all of us sit in there and share a meal. The thing with indian food is it comes in such small portions and there was 10 of us in total so by the time one bowl of chicken tikka came around, there were no chicken pieces left, only the sauce. Outside the restaurant everyone just seemed to stand there so I decided to make the first move and give her a goodbye hug. Everyone followed suit after. I actually felt sad when we all said goodbye to her and watched her get in her car and drive off. I got a call from my mom while we were still at the restaurant telling me that my uncle from Florida was in town for one day and leaving in the morning so as soon as I got home, my mom, sis and I headed into the city to have coffee with my uncle and aunty.

Didn't get home until 12:30am and then I couldn't sleep all night. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the cappuccino I drank.

Yesterday was also my brother's birthday. I didn't get a chance to even call him up to wish him happy birthday! I had uni and then clinic for 8 hours, then dinner right after and then coffee with the relos. We did celebrate his birthday by going out to dinner the night before. My mom, sis and I got him a cordless drill and this huge toolset because now that he's moved out, he can fix things at his place without having to drive all the way here to borrow stuff. We had Italian for dinner and I ordered a pizza and broke my own personal record of slices eaten. I ate the entire thing - 7 slices! Had three scoops of gelato after that for dessert :D mmm..

Speaking of food. Sometimes when I'm hungry, I don't tend to look at what I'm eating..

Tuesday, 23-Mar-2004 9:54 AM

Almost midweek already?!

So. I reformatted my computer again. Why? Because it was either that or option 2 - throw it out the window and watch it shatter on the hot concrete ground below.

I still need to reinstall a few programs. Right now it's a little naked and surprisingly still running extremely slow for a cable connection.

Things at uni are starting to snowball. Assignments to the left, papers to the right, research project hitting me right smack in the centre and then there's my clinic exam kicking me right up the ass. I'm supposed to be taking anytime now. Ugh! So much to do and so much procrastination going on. Plus all the crazy things going on in the world right now makes me always contemplate if I should be doing more family stuff and less studying (not that I've actually started in that department). Plus did I mention that everybody's birthday is in March!? Grr. I guess after this there'll be a good drought of birthdays and I'll be free of the last minute 'I-couldn't-find-a-good-present-for-you-because-you-are-so-damn-fussy' shopping stress.

Saturday, 20-Mar-2004 8:54 AM

Grumble.

I've mentioned before about my mom's undeciveness but lately it's just gotten so bad, it's beyond irritating. What can I say when she keeps sitting on the fence about whether to fly back to Malaysia tomorrow or next week and she keeps complaining about everything and everyone in the family (except me of course, cause I'm an angel! :D). It's really just up to her..I mean, I felt like saying 'just go, if you're so irritated being here.' At least she has the option. I wish I did!

Anyhow, she picked me up from uni yesterday and suggested we go for a snack at the shopping mall. Sure, I say, cause I'm always hungry. When we get there, I knew what I didn't want to eat but she was so undecisive it was driving me nuts. She suggested the foodcourt and some fast food and I said I didn't really want to eat it but I'd eat anyway since I was so hungry. Anyhow, she ended up wanting to go to this chinese place upstairs and then tells me she'll share what I'm having. I hate sharing when I'm hungry :P So that meant having to order something we'd both like. Settled for chicken laksa (though I wasn't craving it too much) and what does she do!? As soon as it arrives, she tells me she's going to walk around while I eat it and she'll come back and eat the rest. She comes back ten minutes later, when I'm halfway through the bowl and she's holding a bag of food. She tells me she bought me a panini thing and some baked potatoes. Eh???!!? Okay, I say...'here, have some of the laksa' . She didn't want it. Instead, she tells me she'll meet me downstairs at the foodcourt so she can eat the panini. Ugh!

So there I sat, by myself in a place I didn't want to eat at, having to eat a dish I ordered mainly for her.

To top things off, I decided to get a gelato (aka the alternative to icecream) before I headed down to meet her. We head to the car and she pulls out the keys and I offer to drive and she goes 'Good. You drive while I eat your icecream.'

GRRRRRRRRRR.. I have food issues. Learn what they are and then tread very carefully!

Wednesday, 17-Mar-2004 10:35 PM

All boxed out.

I just realised that I spent three quarters of the day thinking it was Thursday.

2nd boxercise class was tonight..I practically passed out. I was just a walking zombie today in class. Definitely a lack of sleep last night - I can't even remember what was so important that kept me up. Must be procrastination again.

I came home first before going to the gym for the class and had a long phone conversation with Salami. We didn't talk about anything super important, just about his friend that came over and the new girl he's interested in etc. I don't know what it was about today's conversation but it felt like one of the nicest ones we'd ever had. I was still smiling from ear to ear after we hung up and daydreaming like a 10 year old girl who just discovered her crush likes her back.

I also got this email from a mother who has a daughter that will be undergoing surgery and will be left with a permanent scar at the base of her throat to where the chest starts. She wanted to buy a couple of my necklaces/chokers to start a collection for her daughter so she could conceal her scar and not be so self conscious about it. I'm touched and rather saddened by the email. It never dawned on me that anyone would wear the things I made for a reason like that. I guess I never really considered that people wear jewellery to boost up their esteem (although that seems an obvious reason for wearing jewellery). I always wanted more confidence to wear jewellery...I was more self conscious about wearing it because it may attract unnecessary attention. Anyways, I'd love to help this woman out. I hope the surgery goes well.

Tuesday, 16-Mar-2004 6:50 PM

Back from the seminar in Adelaide.

I'm back from Adelaide and straight into clinic and uni again. Argh. I just want a short break to sleeeeeeeep. This year I've already slept in the car during a break and also come home during another break to take a powernap. I'm not used to all the early morning starts! Plus it didn't help that Adelaide was half an hour behind, which meant I had to wake up earlier.

Mel's mom and grandpa picked us up from the airport. We didn't catch the same plane but we landed about five minutes apart so the timing was good. Surprisingly, I got a cheaper flight on Qantas (she flew Virgin Blue) so I got to enjoy the newspapers while listening to music (using free headphones) and having breakfast on board. I sat with this Indian man who was pulling out his nose hairs. Ugh!

Mel's mom drove us around to the beaches and other attractions in Adelaide. I got to see Lleyton Hewitt's new house - apparently the most expensive home in Adelaide. I would have taken a picture then but honestly, it wasn't worth it. For 3 over million dollars I think I could have made a better selection.

We were supposed to go out that night for Mel's bday but the other girls piked last minute (just after I had taken my shower and gotten ready too!). The two of us ended up going out anyway. We checked out 'The Fringe' which was okay. I mean, I found it quite fun just to be out and about with a great atmosphere of people, music and smiles. It was bloody freezing though. They had all these live acts, trapeze stunts, concerts etc. I would have loved to have taken more pictures of the place but I felt like I'd be a huge tourist dork if I did so. Which means you don't get to see the tent advertising the man who could breathe through his eyeballs. Just how they were going to show that, I don't know but I wasn't going to pay five dollars just for a two minute act.

The seminar was okay. The first day I was really, really bored. The guy kept talking more about himself and how good he was rather than teaching us hands-on skills. Saturday night everyone went out. Dinner took forever - we waited well over an hour for pizza and risotto. Headed to the pub where everyone else was and stayed there for a little while. This guy that has been crazy about Mel met up with her and I was pretty damn bored being the third wheel. Actually, he brought a friend along too - a female friend that he just went to New Zealand with and they both have all these little inside jokes and she knows all about him etc etc. I found that rather strange, bringing a girl along that you get on with so well, while you're trying to get in another girl's goodbooks. Hmm.

Speaking of not paying five dollars to see a cheap act - we passed this guy on Saturday night :) I feel terrible for taking a picture of him now :)

There was a half day seminar the next day and we had some time to kill before going to the airport. E wanted to get his haircut and some shorts but we didn't have time for all that. We had lunch and he got his shorts and then we were running late so we all ran down the main road (everyone stared) and got to the car and sped off to the airport. E grabbed my bags and ran inside the airport and cut the queue for me :) Him and A weren't flying off until an hour later so it was just me that was panicking. I got there on time though and took off shortly after. There were a few people from the seminar on my flight..which didn't help when this guy who works for a pharmaceutical company sat next to me and starting asking all sorts of questions about chiropractic and what I thought of the seminar and people etc.

I'm kind of glad to be home even though it was a nice city. I was a little homesick at night. Mel's family have a chubby ole dog who keeps stealing everyone's bed! I had a mattress on the floor in their study room and whenever I leave for just one second, he's on the bed, wagging his big old tail against my pillow (ergh!). Get off you big oaf! Coming home wasn't exactly the best. Salami and I had planned to talk on the phone while I was gone but that never happened. He also said he's email me and send me some pictures so I'd have something to look forward to and I didn't get anything =( That upset me about 50 times more than it probably should have and I guess I was looking for an excuse to be mad at him but the very next day I got this big apology and it just made my heart sink.

Thursday, 10-Mar-2004 11:37 PM

Jetsetting!

Damnit. I have to be up in five and a half hours and I'm still not done packing my crap. I'm only going away for three days too! Hope this seminar in Adelaide is good. I'm going to miss my boy though! With my crazy timetable and all, I only get to really talk to him during the weekends :( I hate that.

Anyways! I need to be sleeping. I can't believe I was wasting time hemming up some extremely long jeans I'd never worn before but decided I just had to wear them in Adelaide. I can't explain myself sometimes :P

Wednesday, 09-Mar-2004 10:42 PM

Boxercise!

I was reading Lynn's entry earlier and it made me think about how I must make a pretty crummy girlfriend because I can't cook. Well, I can cook to prevent myself from starving but cooking for someone else is an entirely different matter! Salami's a pretty good cook and I think I take for granted that he doesn't mind cooking :D We work well like that. He cooks, I eat :) I consider that a good catch - see I'm easy =D

I give a damn good massage though! Hmm. Maybe I didn't get the better end of the deal afterall.

I tried this boxercise class tonight at uni. It was pretty damn good. That guy sure worked us out...my quads feel stiff and I know I'm going to be aching tomorrow :( Mel brought her friend along and he didn't even last half the session! He ended up leaving :P Poor guy looked so beat up. I think he was disappointed that I was there because we had to pair up and Mel and I went together so he didn't get to watch her sweat it out :P

Sunday, 07-Mar-2004 10:15 PM

Time for a change.

I'd been meaning to and wanting to get my hair cut this whole summer break but just didn't get around to it. I was all annoyed too because going back to uni with the same ole haircut meant that if you got one after the first week, it would almost be like copying someone elses' new haircut/style because I knew most of the girls would have done something with their hair. I was totally wrong. In the entire class, only about one girl cut her hair and everyone else had messy, unkept hair (maybe this is the new 'in' thing and I was completely a part of it without knowing!).

Anyways.

Just toying with the idea of short, short hair.

Err. Pity I already went and got it cut two days ago. I don't really like it...what was I thinking? Layers never really suit me because I don't take my shower in the morning so I don't have time to blowdry my hair and style it so I look more human and less like a christmas tree. Sigh. I need to find a really cool hairdresser that makes me less afraid to cut my hair. I don't think I've ever been to the same one twice.

Saturday, 06-Mar-2004 6:05 PM

I hate being reminded that life is so short but I needed it today. After dropping my dad and grandma off at the airport, my mom was saying 'Okay, now back to REALITY. I am going to have a big major house cleanup!' . My mom started talking about how she wanted to see this travel expo thing at Darling Harbor and had a free ticket for it so we dropped my sister off at her boyfriend's (because they're doing other things today for her birthday) and headed into the city. She had also mentioned deserving an icecream after this whole last minute wedding thing. I was all for it.

So you can imagine how peeved I was when we didn't really end up doing the travel expo thing nor did we get any icecream. Okay, so I did the travel expo thing by myself with her free ticket while she went off to buy the newspaper to get another free entry. They had sold out of papers so she went to another exhibition (on Longevity). The expo sucked. Well no. It sucked for me because I'm not going anywhere so it's pretty much watching everyone else get excited about planning their future trip. I grabbed a couple of leaflets and brochures just to save face and walked on out. Met up with my mom and a good friend of hers (one I've known since I was 3!). This exhibition was a little more interesting since I'm into the whole natural health thing but it wasn't long before I was ready to get out of there. I tried this bio-magnetic chair thing (only because my mom's friend kept insisting) where you lie down on this full length chair and it tilts you back and these currents of some sort flow through you. I was told by the old man working at that stall that I wouldn't feel anything as I was young and 'normal'. I told him I could feel the current and tingling in my feet. Right away he tells me I'm not good. I'm a bad catch. I'll never get married because no boy would want me. Tingling in the feet means I'll have poor circulation when I'm old. Then he changed it to a different setting and asked me to tell him what I felt. I feel pulsing. Through my entire body, as though the chair is vibrating a little. You know what his reply was!?

You can be considered a dog. You're absolutely useless!

YOU CAN BE CONSIDERED A DOG!!?? WTF?!

Apparently I was supposed to feel a smooth wave-like motion. Eh whatever. I wonder how many of those things he sold talking to customers like that. Grr.

My mom almost bought a $500 juicer. Thank goodness I stopped her. I mean, the machine is good and all - the fact that it doesn't destroy the enzymes (like those fast metal blades that's in a normal blender/juicer) etc but it's so damn slow and honestly, no one's going to use it because it takes forever just to make one cup. I figure I'll just eat the damn fruit/vegetable if I wanted to go super healthy.

Anyways, anyways. I was all irritated afterwards because I felt like I got roped (even though it was me that encouraged my mom to go to this travel expo thing - innocently thinking that I was going to get a nice big scoop of icecream from it) into driving to the exhibition centre, paying for the damn parking, carrying this massive thing my mom bought and being insulted several times from some old man. So I was sitting in the car on the way home and my mom's friend was busy chatting away to us when she got a phonecall from overseas. Her brother just passed away. Whoeever that was on the phone was frantic. We came back to our house and tried to change her airline ticket for tonight (she's from Malaysia). I'm not sure what's going on but a whole bunch of phone calls were made.

So I feel terrible. I feel so damn guilty for sitting in the car the entire time, daydreaming about an icecream that I didn't get but desperately wanted and should have gotten. About carrying something that was so damn heavy and large and wasn't even mine. About testing out some product even though I didn't want to and being insulted while doing so.

I don't like being reminded about how short life is. It always shows me how selfish I am and then I start to wonder why I'm even here and whether it's a big deal if I wasn't anymore.

Saturday, 06-Mar-2004 4:50 PM

I've been wanting to update this with a mass of wedding details and uni details and squabbling aunties details but I've been sick and just haven't felt up to it. Now all the news that surrounded me last week seem so old and irrelevant.

- Tonight we're celebrating my sister's 25th birthday which is on Sunday. She's suddenly into 'rose gold'. I'm shocked...I'd never heard of it before until I went to the jewellery stores today and checked it out. Ahh! It's hideous! Reminds me of brass. How she even came across this new interest of hers is beyond me. Every store has only a tiny section that sells rose gold and it consists of about three different types of earrings, two chain necklaces and no rings! That is, less than ten items in total. The thing is, I haven't actually heard about this from my sister's mouth. My mom's the one telling me that my sister told her she really wants rose gold jewellery...and you know my mom. She can't ever seem to repeat anything word for word. She first told me 'there's a beautiful rose quartz necklace downstairs you can get her.' 'But she hates rose quartz' I tell my mom. 'I mean rose gold!' she says. Now see, that there is enough to make me uncertain. Plus, it wasn't even a necklace she was talking about, it was a pair of earrings on display.

- My brother is now married. Can you believe that? I can't. Sam is now definitely showing and it's a scary thought knowing that someone so young is going to be a mother so soon and I'm going to be an aunt. Scary little mini-bro staring at me in a few months. With little sausage fingers and toes and a wrinkly face with curious eyes.

Click to enlarge!

It was a nice wedding. We woke up damn early and did two traditional chinese tea ceremonies (on the opposite ass ends of Sydney) and then changed into the western bridalgowns and headed out in a limosine to get photographs taken. I forgot to bring my digital camera with me for the tea ceremony but snuck it with me for the rest of the day. We had a professional photographer with us so I felt a little rude happy snapping.

Everyone commented on the tablesetting being really nice, even my placecards! Woohoo! The dinner wasn't the best and apparently the guests didn't get a choice. They gave every second person the chicken. Still, dessert was really delicious. I chose the chocolate mousse thing (I can't remember the fancy schmancy name they gave it) over the creme broulee (sp?). One of the speeches was exceptionally poor (The best man's hands were shaking so badly!) wherein he mentioned that my brother was busy preparing to be a father - we got the biggest group 'holy shit' look I'd ever seen. The second groomsmen gave an exceptionally good speech. I was so touched that he put so much effort into it. My dad's speech was great and my mom's speech was really heartfelt - bloody excellent for coming up with it in five minutes. Same with my sister. I was the only one who didn't give a speech on the bridal table. I figured I'd do everyone a favor and not bore them because there were too many speeches in total and everyone was starving. There was singing and dancing and cake. Happy faces, tired faces, drunk faces. And I just realised I typed 'drunk faeces' there (thank goodness for backspace eh!).

We took silly pictures at the end of the night when we got home (with one less family member :( ). Note: you're not the only one with family who has embarassing furniture that screams 'throw me out!'.

Say goodnight to 4 pairs of tired feet!

Wednesday, 03-Mar-2004 10:47 PM

Still sick

I've just discovered a good way to get some privacy in this house. I just tell whoeever comes to my room that 'my sputum is a bright orange-red color and I am highly contagious.'

Tuesday, 02-Mar-2004 11:34 PM

I am freakin sick =( Not to mention absolutely hurting all over from having three practical classes in a row. I'm used to them more spread out in the week. We're learning new adjustments which means over the next few weeks I'm not going to be able to walk properly and I'll be getting daily headaches and seeing fuzzy images :P Okay, so the last one was just to scare you.

Anyhow, too sick to write about anything. Bloody Bushpig! Passed me whatever he had. He had to leave early from clinic on Monday because he was feeling (and looking) so bad. This is getting nowhere. Goodnight!