Friday, 18-Feb-2005 1:23 PM

Pressure enough to make your head burst

I just turned down a good job offer.

I was so nervous, I even had to write down the reasons why I was turning the job down incase I went blank. But, it's been ten minutes and I'm starting to realise that hey, I have balls. The first time I met with this prospective employer, I was trying to be as nice as I could but yesterday, when I met the guy again, I stood up for myself and said some things he probably wasn't expecting to hear. Hooray for me!

Except now I'm back at square one again.

Tuesday, 15-Feb-2005 6:03 PM

Valentine's Day with my one and only

Dad.

Everyone else is in Singapore and Melaka so it's just us here in KL at the moment. He came back from work late last night and neither of us could decide what to eat but since it was pouring, we headed for the mall closeby. It was PACKED! With couples, soon-to-be couples and lovers of all kinds. You know, it's only been a little over a year since I was last here but things have changed and now it seems unusual to be hanging out with your family. Couples hold hands now and show public display of affection. Girls are taller, more fashion-savvy and have ditched the straight black hair look and gone for extremely weird do's where it looks like they invited Edward Scissorhands to their bedroom for a private session. Every year it takes me forever to pack because I have to remind myself that short shorts and singlet tops aren't the go here in this conservative country but boy was I wrong this year - if you've never known asian girls to have boobs, this must obviously be their year to beg to differ. I've been seeing a lot of low cut tops around. Mind you, the obsession with being fair-skinned has not changed so couple that with a tight, low-cut singlet and it looks like a pair of high beams are flashing at you.

Ahh, here I go, skewing off the topic again. Anyhow, we wandered around aimlessly trying to find a place to eat where we didn't have to wait in line. Ended up at Chopstiks, again. We ate there the night before. Dinner wasn't anything fancy but it was nice to have gotten to spend alone time with Dad and pry more into his reserved character. The night before we shared a slice of raspberry cheesecake and both of us dumped some of our frustrations with the family out on each other. It was a good :) I miss hearing my dad talk and I always appreciate what he has to say - when it counts anyway. He tends to put on a cold front and close up whenever my mom and brother are around. He only seems to laugh in front of my sis and I. We're definitely Daddy's girls while my brother is no doubt a Momma's boy.

I will always be Daddy's little girl. Even at 24, he doesn't want me to wander around and go shopping alone because it's not safe. He still peels my prawns for me because he knows from young I get a little queasy cutting their legs off. It's funny how men who don't say the words 'I love you' show how they do, in fact, love you and care about you.

Many years ago a bunch of guys asked me if I wanted to go out that night and my Dad saw them talking to me and walked over and said we had to leave so I told them I couldn't make it that night. Later he said to me "You know what the kids do these days?! Ex-duh-see!" - Dad's chinese pronounciation of ecstacy.

"Dad, those guys were like nerds, c'mon."

"Eh, that's what you think but they take their Dad's money to buy it!"

"Okaaay Dad"

Tuesday, 13-Feb-2005 6:10 PM

Miss you, Grandpa.

The other day we went to visit my grandfather's grave. It was only my second time since he passed away in 2000. It's a beautiful cemetary with a gorgeous backdrop of those million year old limestone mountains. I hope they never tear those apart. I was completely fine until I found myself standing in front of his grave. It was like he appeared out of no where and started showing my mind images of all the good times we spent together. I must have a storage of tears hidden somewhere because the sun was beating down and I'm sure we were all dehydrated but tear after tear rolled out onto my cheeks and I was hoping no one would notice but my dad did and he brushed his finger across my arm. Then he stood there, in front of his dad and hung his head down. It killed me. I don't ever want to be in his position. I am not good at goodbyes and it's something I don't want to practice.

Tuesday, 8-Feb-2005 7:10 PM

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!

I've been here and there, visiting relatives and and doing some job hunting. It's scary because I don't know what I want and and what I'm ready for and it makes for some depressing nights in bed when I stare at the ceiling hoping for the right answer to appear in front of me but before I know it, it's morning and all I see is the uneven paint. Well I hope everyone has had a great start to the year. I lost count with all the mom's who are expecting around now. There are so many! The last time I saw my cousins, their kids were just babies and now they're all so big! I have to say, my whole craze for little boys is dying down a little and I'm now starting to see why little girls are so darn cute. Especially when their fathers hold a microphone to their lips to try to get them to sing and they're all embarassed but they do it anyway. Oh so cute! I would have shown a pic or two if it weren't for my sister - who decided to use her video camera to capture the moment and positioned herself right in front of me and proceeded to bend over so all I got was a shot of her butt. We're about to head out for a CNY Eve dinner! Should be good! Cept for the fact that my sis and her bf only eat chicken - I'm all chickened out. My mouth is watering for some seafood :D