Friday, 28-Feb-2003 7:00 PM

This morning I was perusing the usual sites, RBJ being one of the new additions, and nothing much had changed. I see a new girl in the top 200 and I'm thinking to myself 'yeah yeah, lets move right along now..' and I click to another window when it suddenly dawned on me that the girl I had just dissed that was staring at me, was infact, myself. If I recall, I said 'holy shit! sorry.' Yes, I actually apologised out loud to myself =/ (don't call your psychiatrist just yet :P ) Anyhow, thanks to Johann who captured it and emailed it to me, titled 'photo of a naked chick' (thanks :P ), I have evidence of my 2 minutes of fame =D

.. and now I'm ready to crawl back into my shell and be anonymous. Because the hate mail has already started rolling in and I wasn't expecting any =/

You know what happened earlier? I went to buy a spine from this place that sells it much cheaper than anywhere I've looked (no, it's not some back street, car boot deal :P Although that is how I got my textbooks ... hah! as if :D ) and the guy there put it in a box for me and it was pretty big so I hugged it and he held the door open for me while I walked out. When I put it in the car and got in the driver's seat ready to go for my chiro appointment, I noticed all this pink stuff over my front. Whatever the hell was on that box got all over my grey shirt. I panicked and spent a quick minute or two trying to get it off. I'm sure it looked like a one-man frisky, self-satisying quickie to outsiders.

The damage looked a lot worse than I can describe - lets just say, it looked like someone drew a smiley face using just my womanly assets (or lack of) and my belly. Just as well I remembered my sister had left a top in the trunk/boot to throw away. I thought I'd give it a chance. I found a crumpled black bonds top and it looked in pretty good condition. So for the rest of the ride, I spent all the red lights trying to de-crease the thing. I changed in the car on the side of the road where I parked - hopefully nobody saw :D although 6 years of soccer with boys around has taught me to be able to change without showing any skin. I get out and look at my reflection and I realise why it is that my sister is throwing the top out. It didn't even come down to my belly button. If you don't know, this bonds shirt is a type that little boys wear as an under shirt.

Needless to say, when I walked into the chiro's place, everyone stared at me like I was some ho-bag girl. There wasn't much I could do..except shout 'at least I'm a ho-bag who knows what a spondylolisthesis is!' ....haha, right. I should have though :P

Friday, 28-Feb-2003 11:24 AM

So I was just talking to Johann earlier and before he left, he told me to try and actually leave the house today :P I would have yesterday mind you, seeing as I had all these things to do and all these things I didn't have to do but wanted to do (like cut my hair) but I COULDN'T because two weeks without a washing machine left me with nothing to wear but a bikini =/ and there's no way in hell I'm answering the door or leaving the house like that. That's right :P Three loads of laundry later and I'm a clothed woman! I could finally go to the post office and check the postbox there at 10:30pm =(

The past couple of days I have been getting more depressed about uni starting up again. It just feels like I've let three months slip by me without taking advantage of the time. Once I graduate and start work I know I'll be thinking back to the 'good ole days' and kicking my ass for not making the most of my summer breaks. Hmm, right, so I should really get off my butt and make the most of my last three days of summer break :P But not before I thank those people that signed my guestbook and sent me really nice emails =)

Damn, that took me longer than I expected :P

Friday, 28-Feb-2003 1:21 AM

Forever in emotional rehab

Tell me, do you ever really stop to think about what it is you're saying to her? How words, as useless as they may be sometimes, can be just the very thing to break someone down? You don't stop to realise that emotional abuse is just as painful as physical abuse. You just can't see scars on visceral organs. I'm scared that I'm falling back into that black hole where I'm struggling..taking two steps forwards and three steps back. I don't want it to happen all over again. I want out.

Wednesday, 26-Feb-2003 9:23 PM

Grrr. Here I sit, alone, bored and dying to watch Survivor on tv. It starts in 10 minutes but my sister's boyfriend ALWAYS has to come over and watch it with her and they take the good part of the sofa and as much as I like the guy, I can't stand doing things with other couples when I'm by myself. Leave the smooching and shit for when I'm not there, okay?? I cannot stand when people talk through 'my shows' :P I wait all week for them, ya know? Bah, you don't know :( You don't know because you're probably one of those couples that does this ..with your little sister sitting 1 foot away..and you're thinking 'what is her problem?' c'mon. I can FEEL the body heat you guys are generating! Ugh. I just want to watch my show :(

So I will be here for the next hour, blasting my music to drown out the noise of excitement outside. My back hurts from helping the washing machine dude move the old washing machine away earlier. It was filled with water and so damn heavy. We got it to the laundry door and then he tipped it over, hoping all the water would go outside but it flooded the laundry. Now it smells like dogs piss. Really, it does.

Tuesday, 25-Feb-2003 11:05 AM

11:05AM - write journal entry.

What kind of person are you? I am a routine person. Note: I do have a spontaneous side but for the most part, I like to DO things in an organised manner. That's not to say that I have all my tangibles organised. Meaning that Ben saw my room for the first time two years ago and he was quiet for awhile. When I asked him what was up, he said 'this is THE most messiest room I have ever seen.' And that's coming from a guy to a girl. Ouch :P Plus my dad likes to repeat that there's a permanent tornado passing through my room. Double ouch :P I'm sure I can say this for the majority of students- that I NEED everything that is on my desk. That it's not exactly MESS because I know where everything is :P They've been strategically placed there :P Not for aesthetic purposes but for 'keeping everything in sight' purposes.

But back to the routine. For the past month it's been, wake up, go online first thing (ugh, sad I know. I have my priorities all wrong) and check mail, check to see if anyone's paid me yet and the usual sites....I should add that I have a habit of filling my water bottle up in between that and drinking as much as I can....hmm...okay, then some yoga, wash up, change, eat and we're back to square one. I'm online checking the same damn things all over again and it hasn't been an hour even. But this is holiday routine. I need to change it for next week when classes start.

Now that I think about it, I used to love schedules and being organised. I even had a list written up of what I do during the day, what time I do it and for how long. Hahaaha..oh gosh.

7:30am - wake up; 7:40am - get out of bed; 7:45am-7:55am - wash up and change; 7:55-8am - eat cereal: 8:05am - be out the door....man, it was like I created my own bootcamp :D and I LIKED it. Yikes :P

Tuesday, 25-Feb-2003 0:54 AM

My heart is drenched in wine

Yesterday my friends dragged me out to the Nike Factory. I'd never been to one here before so I guess I wanted to see if it was anything like the ones in the States. Nope. Not a nice huge, clean store with multiple levels but this warehouse looking square block. I was done in about 5 minutes. There was a huge whitegoods/furniture store across the road so we went there to have a look at some washing machines because ours broke this week - thanks to my mom trying to invent some kind of water-saving device with it. She attached an old vacuum cleaner hose to it that led to the garden, so that the water would come out there instead of down the drain. Helping out the drought and all, you know how it is:P Well it killed the machine.

So we were looking at the machines and this sales guy comes up to us and asks if we need any help. I quickly say no, because I don't want to talk to anyone about a machine, I just wanted to have a look so I could tell my friend (who works at one of those kind of stores) and get it from his store instead. But nooo...one of my friends had to say 'I'm not looking for a washing machine, but she is!' and then they bolt, leaving me to talk to the sales guy. Thanks boys. Thanks. So the sales guy rattles off his memorised speech about the pros and cons of a frontloading machine etc etc and I'm pretending that it's all very informative. Ahh..that's not worth mentioning. Lets move right along now..

Grammy awards was on tonight. Norah Jones did a performance. It was just beautiful. Her voice capture me. We have three of her cds floating around the house =) John Mayer's performance sent chills down my spine. That Coldplay guy is rather cute, but eesh..he looked like he was having an epileptic fit on the piano =/

Been doing yoga every morning for over a month now. It's great..so great that the other day, I threw my leg up on the stair railing - something I do out of boredom when I'm standing near the tv watching something only half-interesting- and usually that's about the extent I go, but I discovered that I can bend all the way forward and put my head on my knee :D Now just imagine, if that dude who removed his lower ribs so that he could sexually satisfy himself, did yoga....hmmmmmm :P

Monday, 24-Feb-2003 1:41 AM

When I was flying back to KL by myself a few months back, the plane was delayed and I was tired and in a rush to get my luggage and go. So I was one of the first people at the luggage belt and I remember being so tired, I was resting my head on my arms, over the handrail of the trolley. Out of nowhere, this guy comes up to me and asks me something in Mandarin. I tell him I'm sorry but I don't speak it and he says 'oh, okay' and he starts to walk away, but then whips back around and comes back up to me and says 'so...you speak English?'. Duhh. He strikes up a conversation that leads to nowhere. He does this several times but I'm just too tired and rather embarassed because I know people are watching. He asks for my number and I tell him that I don't have one. Then he asks for my house number there, and I tell him I don't know it. Then he asks for my dad's number (I told him my dad was there to pick me up) and I tell him I don't know that either. I figure this would be a big enough hint but after talking a little while more, he asks if I have an email address. I felt really bad for lying so I told him yes and I gave it to him. He asked if I used msn and I told him I didn't and that I wasn't too good with using the internet (hmmmm =/). Well he never emailed me.

Until last night.

This is what he had to say:

hello, my friend, this is jacky, ever met you in KL air port, hwo are you, hope see u in austrilia, i will sydney next week. see u!
write back me.

Help.

Sunday, 23-Feb-2003 9:21 PM

Sometimes I'll sit here and stare at the screen and think 'talk to me. talk to me. talk to me. say something.' but it doesn't happen and I usually give in and say hi and this is where the mistake starts. I hate this love-hate relationship we have. I hate how he treats me. I hate that he never makes any effort to be nice and everything he cares to talk about seems intentionally mentioned to hurt my feelings or make me jealous. And somehow..somehow days later it seems he can say hi and I'm supposed to turn all into mush?? I wish I had the guts to say 'shove it up your ass' or something just as crude but there's a part of me that will always fail to see what a jerk he is. I think I hate that too.

Sunday, 23-Feb-2003 0:59 AM

..and all. that. jazz!

We didn't get to see Adaptions tonight because it wasn't showing anywhere nearby =( I really wanted to watch nerdy Nicolas do his thang :D We missed the session for Gangs of New York and About Schmidt started too late sooo..we watched Chicago, which my sister really wanted to see but I'd already seen. It's pretty good though if you're into that kind of thing. Which I am =) Tonight though, I couldn't sit still for the life of me. Actually, that happens a lot. All the time infact but it's worse when it's in a cinema full of quiet people. Plus I was holding this jacket that was making all this noise everytime I moved. Sorry folks! I think I've just been sitting way too much today. At least I wasn't one of the dumbasses who leave my phone on ..and dare to answer it during a movie! :P

My sister and her boyfriend attended this wedding for one of his work friends about three weeks ago. She's never been the marrying sort, least she makes it seem that way but ever since that wedding she's been talking non-stop about it and always bringing up these small happenings with these people I don't even know and it's hard for me to be enthusiastic because I have no idea what she's talking about and not being able to put a face to these strangers makes it all he more harder for me to laugh at what she's laughing at, or aww at them too. This newly wed couple gave out a cd they made to everyone there and she's been playing that too and well..no one really cares to watch home videos of other people on rerun, right? Think about how it is having to listen to home made cds with opera-type singing. It's a killer, believe me. My sister was also telling me about this crazy dream she had where she was marrying her boyfriend and everything wasn't going right. She had shown up in jeans and a singlet and a backpack with her wedding dress in it. Then she went on to tell me how her hair wasn't the way she wanted it either and I butted in, asking if she meant that it wasn't how she wanted it in the dream or in real life, and she tells me in real life....what on earth? She goes to one wedding and suddenly has this life-changing experience?! She even knows how she wants her hair?! Gees, I wonder if I'll even HAVE hair when I get married. I used to say I'd be getting married in Las Vegas. Now I'm thinking, if I do get married, and it's a proper wedding, no relatives are invited:P I hate being in the spotlight like that. Especially with squabbling, gossipy aunties and cousins.

Alright, someone get me to bed before I ramble on for another hour :P

22-Feb-2003 4:35 PM

Everything cheap seems to taste really good after drinking beer.

The other day this person was saying to me that for a girl to get on the top20 of the RBJ site (how do you like that discreet 'vote for me' thing I just did there?;P) all they had to do was take a close-up shot of their face. I'm not so sure about that but I've decided to give his theory a try. Actually, I think I've figured out what it is they do come end of the week. They quickly click on their site a few times just to get the ball rolling so they expose themselves in the top20 already. That way, lazy people will not bother to look at anyone else beyond 20 and just check out the ones there. Alright, alright, I don't mean to be taking stabs at anyone. I've seen a lot of the sites and I think they're all pretty good and interesting.

I really like this dog.

He's at the pound. I've been pining for one for so long now and I'm always checking the site for a suitable dog and one that catches my eyes. What shits me is that for once I inquired about one and I get a one liner back saying the dog is already taken and the new owners will be picking him up March 1st. Well why the hell don't they remove him from the 'available' section then since they update the page everyday!? Ergh.

The sad thing is, there's been more and more Siberian Huskies (that one above is only half a husky) left at the pound. I love those dogs, but I don't think I could take care of one..and though I did read that they're great in very hot and very cold climates, I'd feel a little sorry keeping the poor thing so far away from snow.

Saturday, 22-Feb-2003 3:05 AM

mhmph..I'm typing this with my eyes practically closed..actually, I'm asian, so I guess my eyes will always be permanently 'practically closed'..blah it's so late and I'm so tired and I've drank so many different things which is probably not good. I can't drink red wine..it makes me soo...tired. I had some girly Archers drink after dinner which actually woke me up. Hmm..then someone gave me a bottle of beer, and then there was white wine going around inside the club??! Drinking out of the bottle..how unrefined:P

Chronological order here girl, you can do it. Okay okay..dinner was at The Rocks at this Australian restaurant called Picadilly or something close to it. I am proud?/shocked? to say that tonight I ate : crocodile, wallaby, kangaroo, stingray AND emu. I ordered the emu because I thought it would be the closest tasting to chicken, but it's very much like veal and kind of chewy and the moment it was placed in front of me and I could smell it, I wanted to hurl. But it wasn't tooo bad, not after awhile anyway. The crocodile meat was GREAT. Now THAT tastes just like chicken! Talk about daring. Now I can say I've eaten this and this and this all in one go. It's like I've zipped on ahead to the front of the class :P

We met up at a friend's place first. That was actually rather depressing. It was Ben, his gf, Reebok and Mr Confident and since I got there last, they were all already in conversation and it was all about chiro stuff. They were practicing chiro stuff too and listening to it and thinking about how little I know going into another year of Masters this year made me think that the night was really going downhill from there. But! Ben and his gf didn't come since they both have to work early tomorrow, or today rather. So the three of us headed over to the city. Met Bushpig and his new gf, who happens to be Malaysian! I'm gasping ..at two things..the fact that a decent and rather cool Malaysian chic would be interested in Bushpig, someone who so obviously is a 'player' or at least tries to be. Still, cmon. I don't want to be embarassed for the decent girls that fall for his act. He IS a nice person though..but just..hmm..gotta cut the romance talk out, that's all :) And maybe a few other things too:P hehe, but who am I to talk eh?? The other thing is ...actually I forget what the other thing is. I think it's already incorporated into that first one :P

We split after that and headed over to the Martin Place Bar ( I think that's what it's called) and had a few drinks. Met some of Reebok's friends. That snobby girl from rowing was there..I don't think she likes me all that much. She remembered my name though :) The other girl there was just gorgeous. She's engaged too! To a pretty damn hot guy. Ah well, moving right along. We went over to the Dendy Bar after that and I think..actually no, I'm pretty sure..and I am VERY embarassed to say, that there was an asian dance party thing going on. Not that I had much of a choice or say in the matter, so I made the most of the night. It wasn't too bad. I actually had a lot of fun. But gees, it's a pretty big meat market in there. All that while I thought it was Reebok or his friends that put their hands on my waist, to move past me etc, but I realised it wasn't when things got a bit too touchy-feeling and I whipped my head around to find some strange dude walking past. Wtf?! Ew..

The funny thing is there are guys there that just STAND there and look at people. They look so extremely bored and odd. I think I used to be one of those people. I probably still am! But not tonight! Tonight I let loose because I think it'll be the last time I go out for the whole entire year :(

Ooh..pictures. I brought the camera, the normal one that requires film (because tangible picture are so much better!) but I didn't have any. So I bought a roll at 7-11. We walk out and put the film in and nothing's working. Reebok asks if I turned the batteries around to save them, and I said no. Said that I hadn't used the camera in forever, so the batteries are probably dead. We take ten years to find where the battery IS on the camera and when we do, it's empty :P So I got batteries and hopefully the pics will turn out:)

Goodlord. Such a long entry. That wasn't so easy to do given the hour it is and the lack of oxygen flowing to my brain :P

Friday, 21-Feb-2003 1:05 AM

So much for New Years Resolutions

This year I said I would try to be online less, surf less, chat less and look what I've accomplished - my own site and a few new friends =/ I never was good at self-instructions. Hmph! Well, I'm tired from having spent half the night chatting to keanu reeves' brother, err..not that the convo was tiring, i'm just drained..oops..ok I'll stop digging a bigger grave for myself :P Tomorrow night I'm going out for Reebok's birthday with him and a few other uni friends. It'll be...interesting I think as we've not caught up in forever. For some reason, everything is novetly to me and the excitement of catching up with them has worn out :( I'm almost dreading the night =/ Plus I'm a little worried about how I'll be getting home..I have a feeling I'll be walking through the city streets alone at 1am. eesh. I'm tossing up on whether to bring the camera or not. All boys tomorrow night so they'll probably throw it to the ass end of space before I get one snapshot.

I just scrolled down and cracked myself up again. I can't get over how big that cat's head is :D

Thursday, 20-Feb-2003 1:33 AM

My sister emailed me this and everytime, every single time I read it and see the picture, I crack up laughing :D

Tuesday, 18-Feb-2003 11:19 PM

Everyday I keep telling myself, 'today will be THE day. I WILL study and study a LOT.'

Sooo..today another layer of dust coated my books.

But! I did update some other things :D hehe. ---> added a new item here and there: Bracelets | Earrings | Rings

Tuesday, 18-Feb-2003 4:31 PM

I found this picture lurking around in my files =) Hey, sometimes you gotta give those feet some lovin! :D

Monday, 17-Feb-2003 10:46 PM

Ergh, the Chiro dept is SO unorganised. They have uncomfirmed timetables written up and all these SHEETS with old timetable, revised timetable, new timetable. I wish they could just get it together. It's been forever. They've had years to get things organised. I was at their office asking about the tutorial times since online they said they'd be allocated to us today but the guy tells me they're all over the place and then hands me a sheet with about 38472342 tentative times on there and then he LEAVES and doesn't come back for ages so I'm left standing there alone and completely confused. Argh.

There's something else I have to complain about too. That morning, I was walking over to the room where you get your enrolment forms and this guy was walking behind me. I walk pretty fast so I was thinking, man, this guy must be on the go or something because he had caught up to me and was now to my right, walking alongside me. So I'm thinking, okaaay..he's taken the outer lane, he's gonna overtake me. But he was walking right by my side for awhile and I almost wanted to shout 'so GO already' but I slowed down a little so he could get ahead. What happens? He sorta stops because he wants to go left and I guess I'm in his way, so I speed up, and what does he do?! He damn well STEPS ON ME. I should have pointed out right from the start that we're in this HUGE OPEN SPACE and there's no one else around so there was plenty of room for the both of us. He apologised though, but still. Bah.

I saw lots of chiro people, said hi to a few. That part was nice. This stick stabbed me right in the toe (no, couldn't ever be that I walked INTO it cause I'm never at fault:P) and it bled a little. Then I was in the student union building filling out a form to get a parking sticker when I saw another guy from my course outside. He smiled, and I smiled and lifted my hand to wave hello when this girl walked in through the sliding doors at that very moment and this gust of wind threw all the papers I had right in my face so I suppose all you could see from outside was a big A4 sheet of paper waving hello.

Alright, I'm making it out to be worse than it is. I came home and watched this dvd my sister had rented. I Am Sam. Oh gosh, I cried way too much and my eyes are so sore I might as well have poked them with poison ivy. But! Much to my surprise, there's was a nice guestbook signage and someone who actually wants to link ME. All I could do was sit there and say 'wow' about twenty times before I decided my sore eyes could do with some blinking. And this girl has such nice, long hair it makes it all the more harder for me to decide whether to cut mine or not :( It's always about what I don't have. There were a few things she said that reminded me a lot of me. The whole taking a year to get to trust people..and the whole paranoia with eating in front of those certain ones that matter at the time. I never knew anyone else was self conscious when they ate. It used to torment me and I remember when I went to visit the boy and for lunch I had a pathetic fruit salad even though I was starving. I must have come off looking like I'm the sort of girl that doesn't eat. I was staaaaaarving though and my excuse was that I'd already eaten just before but really, I was too nervous to eat in front of him. It's kind of funny now because I don't really care anymore and it's also funny because I'd always been the kind of girl that found it amusing to gross people out by opening my mouth full of half-chewed food.

Monday, 17-Feb-2003 8:05 AM

Guess who's up at 8am to go and bloody enrol! I am definitely NOT a morning person =( Oh the bags under my eyes :( I envy all you people who won't be awake for another three hours more =(

Sunday, 16-Feb-2003 12:51 PM

what a blast!

I got an email from Joey last night. She said it was 3am and she was such a loser, at some nerdy internet cafe with her friends, playing some kinda network game. You know what I was doing? I was already counting down 1.5 hours of sleep. Need I say more?

You know what? I just found this dusty Astro Lounge cd by Smashmouth. Listening to 'All Star' always reminds me of the boy so I'd always been cautious not to listen to it but actually, it's one of my favorite songs. I'll never get sick of it. SO, to make up for all those times I've missed out on listening to it, I'm going to turn it up so loud, all my neighbours who are hard of hearing (we are surrounded by what might as well be known as an old folks home:P) will wonder what's hit them as they get up off their rocking chairs and start shakin their replaced hips. Okay, that last part was rather mean =I heeh.

~ Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas, I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little chaaaaaaaange. =D

Friday, 14-Feb-2003 11:05 PM

Today has been the most loneliest day I've had this year. What I ate for lunch made me feel pretty ill. I made a horrible minestrone soup. I moped around the house. Watched the token romantic comedy. Had the box of tissues. And the cushions. Just missing the chocolates. There's icecream in the fridge and the night is not over. It really isn't that it's Valentines day..or am I masking it? Actually, there is one thing to do with Valentines that bothers me. When I drove back today from lunch, there was a bunch of flowers sitting in a box at the front door. Course I wished it was for me but I knew it wouldn't be, and I was right. It was for my sister, from her boyfriend. Really sweet. I took them inside and put them on the shoerack so she'd see it when she walked in.

When she came back, I was cooking dinner. She wasn't too surprised to find flowers and she brought them into the kitchen and said 'NOT AGAIN! These flower people have done it to me AGAIN.' She then went on to say how crappy they were. Last time they delivered a dozen roses there were only 11. I played it off with sarcasm. Said that the delivery guy probably pulls one out of every bunch and makes it into a bouquet for his girlfriend. The mysterious rose-bandit.

But deep inside, or even in the superficial layers of me, I'm thinking that it was sweet of him, as token as flowers are, to send her some. Some people don't ever get flowers. Some don't even have a valentine. Some people even get flowers for themselves, but we'll leave those out of the subject matter.

Hot off the Press: I've been saved. By Elvis. I forgot there was a special on tonight. And I'm off, to smile for the first time today.

Friday, 14-Feb-2003 4:07 PM

[Un]Happy? Valentines Day

I am having a crappy day. My sister wanted to go out to eat and I agreed but I didn't want to go too far because I wanted to come back and talk to Salami before he went to bed (bloody time difference). I got to talk to him briefly online for about a minute, before we left the house. By the time I got home, he'd left an email saying he couldn't stay up any longer and had to sleep and me being me, was so irritated that I'd missed him by 7 minutes, I decided to try my luck and call him. I think I woke him up, even though he tried to be nice and say he wasn't exactly asleep yet. I also think he completely forgot about Valentines Day until I wished him a happy one early this morning. He did send me a card online though it didn't work :( Plus I did get an apology and he seemed to feel pretty bad about it. He'd gotten my package today..just that stone deer I painted and this thing I made for him last night. It was kinda silly and well..it was like 1am when I came up with the idea of making him a comic strip/picture book using webcam shots of me and this stuffed dog he gave me last year. Well it's not much, but I don't really make a big deal out of Vals day..although I have to admit I'm kind of jealous at everyone else who gets flowers and stuff.

Ah well. *sniff* I guess I'll wait for better luck next year. Loserish me will probably only be getting an e-card from my mom.

Anyhow, I'd like you to meet Billy. He's single and in need of a girlfriend! Today we're moping around like two lonely single chums. [Crazy dog seems to think there's a whole other world inside the camera lens.]

Bye folks!

Friday, 14-Feb-2003 2:47 AM

3 hours into Valentines Day

Oh my gosh, did that just happen? On Valentines Day too?? I think I just had a conversation with the boy and I think we talked about stuff I probably should steer away from. Sigh. I never could fully close that cupboard of emotions because it was just too full and the doors were quivering from the pressure inside. It was only loosely bound with rafia string too..and I must have stupidly tied it in a bow so it mistakenly screamed out 'please open me! precious goods inside!' =( Ugh. My heart. You know, how ironic it is that he appears now, when I'm making a valentines day present for my Salami. He asked me what I was doing too..and all I could say was 'making stuff' when I could have just rubbed it in his face..but somewhere inside me I..oh lets not go there..

And you know..there's one other thing I'm leaving out...I think I felt a way I should not have been feeling while talking to him. =/

Thursday, 13-Feb-2003 4:47 PM

To cut or not to cut??

Grrr..sometimes I can be the most undecisive person. Right now the mini dilemma is whether to cut my hair or not. I see girls with short hair and I want it. I see girls with long hair and I want it. Must be some kind of identity crisis. Maybe I should just shave my hair off.

Ahh help :( Look how plain and boring it is =/ What should I do?

Wednesday, 12-Feb-2003 6:52 PM

Happy Anniversary! 13 years ago, my family arrived here in Australia from Thailand. I hated Sydney and I hated the people. School was horrible and I used to cry every morning in the girls toilets and I'd prey the day went fast so I could rush on back home, to my safety shell. We moved to another home, which meant another school. I used to sit out on Maths because I'd already done it at my old school in Bangkok. The schooling system here is different to American schooling..we start the year in January and not September. The kids made fun of my american accent and this Indian girl was asked by the teacher to take care of me and show me around. Well, I'm glad to say that things got better. I got a lot more friends, became House Captain in Grade 6 and High School wasn't too hard. The accent is still kinda there, but it's mixed with aussie dribble so people usually just ask where I'm from and guess it's Canada for some weird reason. But I don't mind since that's my choice destination of the decade =) Hmm..though I have had one guy come up to me with 'Why do you try and talk like a filipino-american for?'. Okaaay then..

Some people now think that I'm so Australian that they'd never imagine me dating an asian person. They stereotype me into one of those oriental girls that go gaga when they see a strapping white guy with blond hair and blue eyes. It's not true, even if I tend to make fun of asian people a lot - but hey, in my opinion, I'm allowed to! It's like how you can make fun of your own brother or sister but the moment someone non-related does it, you get all defensive. Wait..I'm wrong there...I DO think Brad Pitt is rather hot and I do have a poster of him on my wall, but only because it's black 'n white and it's for artistic purposes!

My brother even likes to tell people that if we were a stereotypical white Aussie family, I would be the ditzy, dumb blonde. Thanks big bro. Thanks. (May I remind everyone that I did do the crappy national IQ test and I'm a certified brainiac?!) hehe..

Well I've acquired the taste for vegemite. I love it on rolls with cheese, grilled. Mmm. I go for yum-cha on weekends (which has turned out to be more of an aussie thing now). I can immitate Steve Irwin (WHY are all americans crazy about him!?). I've eaten kangaroo meat. Just kidding! C'mon, a real aussie would not eat a fellow furry friend! Although..I am Chinese..and they eat anything..hmm.. and ooh potatoes. Give me potato in every which way and I'll give you a big grin across my face. Alright, that's enough info there..

I've had great aussie neighbours who've opened their doors to my family and let my sister and I hang off their fence to pet their dogs - the fence basically went lop-sided and we replaced it with another corrugated iron half a decade ago. They give us oranges from their backyard and invite us over for 'tea' and a dip in their pool. Fred even gave me flowers on my birthday the first year we were there =)

So 13 years later and I'm somewhat out of my shell. I let the guard down on occasion, say if I think you're cool or you bribe me with chocolate :D However I'm not completely comfortable here. I still don't feel like I belong, but I think that's something that I'll hold with me wherever I go. I think a lot of expatriates' kids feel this way. I am quite settled though and I can now say that I love Sydney and most of the people =)

Wednesday, 12-Feb-2003 12:35 PM

I told you I'm weak!

So I was perusing through some journals at the RBJ site and one of the guys spent his day doing online quizzes. First I though, eh, I am NOT even going to read that because I'll end up wanting to do it, so I avert my eyes and look at all the other things the site has to offer..but you know? It's like telling yourself not to think of a white polar bear but the moment you say that, you see the damn white polar bear. And here it is, my quiz results :

I am The Dreamer-Minstrel - found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You can always see the "Silver Lining" to every dark and dreary cloud. Look at the bright side is your motto and understanding why everything happens for the best is your goal. You are the positive optimist of the world who provides the hope for all humankind. There is nothing so terrible that you can not find some good within it. On the positive side, you are spontaneous, charismatic, idealistic and empathic. On the negative side, you may be a sentimental dreamer who is emotionally impractical. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

Take the test and find out who YOU would have been in the Medieval Kingdom. I was obviously one of the more useless fools.

I am worth exactly: $2,005,058.00. Here's a test with a series of questions that try and determine your monetary value. Be prepared to have a huge price reduction if you're left-handed:P hehehe. Just kidding, I love lefties :D

Go see how much you're worth!

I am a ROOK. Hahaha..that's actually one of my favorite pieces on the chessboard :D Go on, be a nerd, which chess piece are YOU?

Wednesday, 12-Feb-2003 0:43 AM

Just earlier I was thinking I should update but I really couldn't think of much to say and it's probably better that I don't update just for the sake of it. So I decided to continue with cleaning my desk. This has been an ongoing thing for a decade now. I used to be Miss Sparkling Clean but somehow my room deteriorated so badly that I should now be called Miss 24hr Cyclone. Anyhow, I was trying to stack away this magazine box (you know the kind you make from cardboard with folding instructions? those are flimsy :P) with a whole year's worth of chiro reports and journals that I never read, but I stupidly tried to squeeze it between two others where there clearly wasn't room for this extra one.Plus I was holding the box high up with my ever-so-clumsy-left-hand. And so it happens. Everything falls out of the box, onto me. I had my faced and arms hacked to pieces. I am now setting a Guiness Book record for the most papercut person in all of history! Nah, not quite. Immediately after it happened I grabbed my nose because it felt the most painful and I hurried over to the mirror, expecting to see a face full of cuts and bleeds, or cuts with blood that would ooze out minutes later (I hate how papercuts don't seem like anything and then 5 minutes later you see that it has actually cut deep enough to draw blood :( ) but there's nothing so far, so that's good. Alright, so I'm just whining for sympathy :P I'll stop now and go to bed, since I'm not gettin any love!

Monday, 10-Feb-2003 5:03 PM

Ugh I miss my mommy! I just dropped her off at the airport this afternoon. It's funny how I get so irritable when my parents are here but the moment I say goodbye, hug and kiss them, then watch them turn around and walk away from me, I get all sappy and depressed. I hate that home-sick kinda feeling. We dropped dad off yesterday at the same time =/ My sister and I gave him a kiss and hug and my mom was just like 'yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.'

Sigh..anyway, must get off the subject or I'll just be all grumpy.

Bumped into my cousin AGAIN at our mailbox - that's twice in a week now. It's just awkward...I didn't invite her in for a drink or anything. She wanted to get a box from our garage that she had left there and I had to move the car for her. Then she left. And it rained, hard, for the first time in forever. In fact, there was thunder and everything. Flickered my lights and then decided to damn well blow out the electricity for a few seconds. Maybe that was the feng-shui cleansing effect :P

So let me share with you what I got in the mail just now..a leaflet asking me to donate or join this Shooters Party group so they can have more rights to sport shooting and shooting 'feral animals that breed unchecked on public land'. You know what they did with the money? They 'helped secure the future of the shooting sports by having the law changed to enable juniors to participate.' Gees. We have so many other problems going on and you take $4 million dollars to change these kind of laws?! I'm not even going to go into this..

Instead, I'm going to ask something ditzy ..like..does anyone watch The Bachelor? Is it worth watching because it just started here and I taped the first show but haven't seen it. Thought the last guy was rather......gross. I mean, he's like nerdy Ross from friends. *shudder* Alright, you nerdy Ross fans, come and verbally attack me now, I can take you all on! :D hahaa

I miss my mommers =(

Sunday, 09-Feb-2003 1:19 AM

Aww..thank you so much to those people who signed my guestbook and for the emails and all the words of encouragement! I've taken it to heart and I'm all smooshy now :D

I've put up the chokers and earrings pages tonight.Why do all those plurals sound so weird like that? There's more to come but right now I'm beyond tired and my eyeballs are falling out of their sockets and my eyelids are doing those flickety-flick movements, which I learned last year was due to a lack of magnesium, which is why most students get it during exam time! And you thought YOU were the only one! :D So there you go kiddies, make sure you have enough magnesium during those stressful exam periods!

So I'm wondering what I did today and I completely forgot that I was at Darling Harbour watching the Dragon Boat Races! It was great. Lots of people, lots of entertainment, lots of food and drinks to be had! There was even a whole bunch of Harley Davidsons on show to raise money for this particular Helicopter Rescue thing. I was looking out for my friend Reebok (once again, only those who followed my old diaryland diary would know that I replaced all my friends names with some obscure word or name) who was competing in the races but couldn't find him. Saw his snotty-ass female friend though. I was with my sister and as their rowing team walked by us, my sister was commenting on how much attitude this team had. She didn't hear me point out who this girl was that I knew through Reebok though, all she heard me say was 'the girl with the pigtails and yellow ribbon...lots of attitude..'. When I told her again who it was, she wanted to kick the damn girl into the water :P Anyhow, they came first in their heat, and then I left since Reebok didn't row. He called me just as I was driving into the garage, saying he was just in two races and he thought he saw me - which he did. Thanks for saying HI. Heh. I never say heh, but that deserves a big, fat HEH.

Anyways, I amused myself for five or so minutes watching these guys try to ride a bicycle past a certain line to win 50 dollars. No one could do it as the bike was very hard to balance, not to mention these guys were pretty damn big.. I wonder where the bicycle seat went =/ Ahh! Smack me when I say things like that =(

I wish I had taken my camera along!

Saturday, 08-Feb-2003 0:23 AM

lychees and vanilla icecream is not a chinese dessert, but i'm not complaining.

What a mad rush to get things done and mailed off today. I made one of those stone paintings for Salami. He seemed to really like the other ones I did and I was reluctant to give him one of them or paint one for him just because people will see it in his apartment and think he's some girly girl or old grandpa that collects old things :P But anyhow, there's a baby deer on its way over to his place, along with this free toiletries bag from the plane because it's a mens one with all these male goodies in there which I have no use for, and he needs one, so there we go :) We don't really do the whole Valentine's day thing..maybe cause he's so far away and maybe cause all the cheesiness gets me embarassed. So I didn't want to make too big a deal out of it because he's probably not giving me anything. Oh boo..now I'm feeling neglected.

You know, today I found myself saying 'yay!' out loud and smiling to the computer when I saw new guestbook entries in my inbox. I really shouldn't be telling everyone things like that since I've already put myself out there as some huge geek :P

We went out for another Chinese New Year dinner, this time with our backyard neighbours and my sister brought her bf along. The neighbours are really nice people. Your average aussie with higher than average sense of humor. However, I am the most boring person to have dinner with. I have no idea what to say most of the time..err, make that ALL the time. I can't stand that but it's either I don't say anything or I say something that makes absolutely no sense at all - like my mom, who blurted out 'but you can buy dvds for so cheap now!' in response to my sister's bf talking about having to pay a lot for rent. Hmm..actually, I'd like to make a correction to that..I only have a hard time conversing with people who I feel inferior to. When I realise that you yourself don't make much sense, that's when I get comfortable :D ehehe

Friday, 07-Feb-2003 10:46 AM

Something different about the household...?

Yesterday, my dad was watching Jerry Springer and Judge Judy.........and in the car on the way home from dinner, my mom was singing along to Kylie Minogue's 'Can't Get You Out of My Head'. I wonder if aliens have come and replaced my parents.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was driving back home and pulled over at the corner store to check the mail. First off, all that's there is a mailbox to MAIL letters and as I realised this, I pretended that I wanted to read the delivery and pick-up times on it incase anyone was watching me. My home is just closeby and it would be faster to do a u-turn but I didn't, choosing to drive straight and make a turn further down the road. I saw this car driving straight towards me. It was an old cream and pink colored car you'd find way back in 'Driving Miss Daisy' days and inside was a thin and tall, old woman with white hair, driving happily along, with a small black kid beside her. She was wearing a dress indicative of those times. We swerved to avoid each other and as I was driving on, I thought it was peculiar that she didn't seem shocked about driving on the wrong side of the road. I watched her from my rear view mirror and saw this huge four-wheel drive coming round the corner, right at that lady's car. I knew what was going to happen, but couldn't do anything about it. They smashed, hard, so hard that her car crumbled up into the other and all you could really see was the boot. It was horrible and I knew she and the boy would no longer be alive. I pulled over to park and it took me a damn long time to get to the accident. I had taken too many things out of the car with me, my bag, phone, soft toy (?!) and jumper and something else. I could barely close and lock the door. Then when I started to leave the car, I noticed the boot was up. Went to close it and saw that the door was wide open. I was so irritated because I wanted to be the first one there, I wanted to help. By the time I got there, there were over 20 other people standing around and the body had been pulled out of the car and a blanket placed over. I didn't see the boy's body and thought maybe no one knew there was another person with her. I had mentioned it to a woman there and she bent her head down and said she knew there was a boy.

Looking down at the woman under the blanket, I could have sworn I heard her trying to breathe. Someone else said so too but no one moved the blanket away because there was no way she could have survived the accident...apparently. Anyhow, don't remember the rest except for some man rolling her body to move it and me feeling really uncomfortable. I was annoyed that I did because I wanted to help and that I should have because I knew first aid and all this other stuff. The bodies were brought to a room that was packed with locals. I think it was a semi-funeral affair. I went in to have a look but didn't stay long because the lady running the whole show told me to go. She must have thought I was just another kid, wanting to look for the sake of looking, when it was me thinking that I should be in charge since I witnessed the accident and was probably the only one to see it.

That creeps me out a little...I don't want to remember it :(

Have to get this Valentine's Day (ugh) thing done for dorkface. What is everyone else doing for Valentines? Got a special someone you're spending it with? Any good ideas for presents? =)

Thursday, 06-Feb-2003 2:51 PM

Don't bother me when I'm grumpy. Like now for instance.

Grrr, I was not expecting that conversation with Salami that I just had. Boy did it get me all fired up. And here I was trying to think of what to get him for Valentine's Day, which I'm no longer looking forward to. Not that I was, I only remembered it today. I had mentioned to him that I watched the Michael Jackson interviews on tv and that I was siding with him and wished people would leave him alone and he wanted to know more about it. He said he was worried that I'm getting easily persuaded by people. ME!? Easily persuaded by people?! Hello!? In the years he's known me, the first thing he should have realised about me was that I'm NOT easily persuaded by people and my guard is always up. But gosh, can I not have my own opinions?! Do I need to have a disclaimer on my forehead that says I'm a person, a free-thinker, and so are you!? You can have your own opinions and I'll have my own. It's not to say that one of us is right, or that neither of us are right. I really don't like it when people don't share the same opinion as me. :P I'm not talking small-scale opinions, I'm talking strong opinions on major issues. BUT, I absolutely cannot stand when people try to twist and turn me into changing mine. It only makes me not want to talk to you.

Tuesday, 04-Feb-2003 10:44 PM

There are so many beautiful people out there. I want to be one of them.

Did anyone watch that Michael Jackson special that was on tonight? I was actually hooked to the tv, curious about his personality. I felt rather annoyed with all the pressing questions about him and the children and sharing bedrooms. I can understand that people would find this terrible, but at the same time, he is right about needing more love in the world. He really is just a big kid at heart and he understands how they feel and think. I think that's great. I remember the days when I was really little and I'd get hugs and kisses from other friends' parents and everyone squeezing onto a big bed. Those were fun times. Now don't be gettin any ideas from that :P

Today I did the retarded thing of looking at this girl's website and getting awfully jealous. I'm not going to link her or anything but I found her at the RBJ site. I know environment helps mould you into who you are, but could it possibly alter physical appearance too? Cause I swear this girl looked part Norwegian or something. Not fair! They have such great skin, I'm super jealous :( What is it?? I mean, I eat right, I exercise, I clean my skin gently and I still flare up =( Grr..or maybe it's this, bitching about my skin behind it's back. Sigh.

I stayed up til 3am this morning, painting on a stone which I might put up for sale later. It wouldn't have taken me so long had the boy (not to be confused with my boy, who I refer to as Salami...I have no idea how I came up with that ID name but it has nothing to do with what you're thinking :P ) not started a conversation with me on aim. He can be such the jerk, I swear. When I tried to talk to him the other night, after not having spoken for months, he didn't even bother talking. Minutes and minutes pass and I get annoyed, as I usually do, and he just says he's busy, then leaves after awhile. I hate it. I hate how he mistreats me and takes advantage of my friendship. I suppose he realised this and that was why he talked this time round. Eh. This year I have to be greedy and think of myself, says my chiro. I guess I need to push some people off my treehouse too.

Monday, 03-Feb-2003 0:51 AM

I heard about Space Shuttle Columbia and I read what others had to say about it and though I'm not so much wanting to say anything, I will say this much: watching the special news program today, I found it rather insulting and inconsiderate to the families in grief that this country I live in, felt they had to let everyone know that we were a part of it too and that Australia lost a bunch of SPIDERS. Critical to science, perhaps, but to include it in the same paragraph with human lives lost?! Oh come on. Have a little heart.

Ugh.

How about something nice then? For me, today ended the three day wait-list for being accept as a Rice Bowl Journals member. I've never been a part of any kind of community and to think, my first is an online existence =/ ...and I still haven't made any friends :P

Had yum-cha for the third time in a row this week. It's not so bad if you eat anything, but I've my select choices that I can't go without, and that I dare not venture beyond...sooo..it gets kind of worn out after a while :P

I've fixed up a few other things on the site. Links page for one, though I'm not fond of the layout there..I'll fix it later. Trying to also create a button but I highly doubt anyone wants to link me, or frequents this page enough to have actually read more than three consequetive entries in a row..I'm just talking to myself here, really. This site is for my own amusement :P

And now I sleep =)

Saturday, 01-Feb-2003 10:42 PM

My dad has been hiccuping non-stop for 24 hours now. It's annoying, let me tell you.

We went to a chinese restaurant tonight and we were the minorities. Fancy that.

Saturday, 01-Feb-2003 10:50 AM

Happy Chinese New Year Folks!

My sister's just popped out to get some 'grooming' done (that was her way of saying she's getting her armpits waxed. haha, I could've spared you that but I really didn't want to since I had to deal with it too :P ) because she's attending a friend's wedding today. My mom has left to pick my dad up at the airport and once again I find myself in a rush to try and get as many things done and have what little 'me-time' I can have before they all come back.

Yesterday we had lunch with my aunt and uncle before they headed back to Melbourne. After lunch they wanted to buy some biscuits for the journey and I had to get contact lens solution from the chemist (sadly, I am a four-eyed geek!) so we said we'd meet at the petstore. They took their sweet time which allowed me to have a good browse at the cute lil critters. There was this king charles cavalier spaniel inside the store, just roaming around free. He wasn't a puppy nor an adult, something in between. This guy and his girlfriend saw him and he went over to pat it but the dog walked away quickly. Kind of a snobbish dog, I thought. I watched as the guy followed the dog and tried to hold him down - he got away though. The girlfriend tried too, with no luck. A little while after they left, I decided to go see what was up with this dog. I stood nearby and looked down at him. He stared right back, looking kinda scared. So I bent down and held my hand out and he hurried towards me and as I pet him, he squished his body against my thigh and put his head in my lap. With his head still in my lap, he turned sideways to look up at me. It was so cute! =) Sigh..if only it were still December. I'd have the time to get a dog and train it before uni started again. Now the chances of getting a pet are looking pretty dim :(

In other news, I've been semi-strictly sticking to my yoga routine! Almost every morning so far, I've done a bit of it. It's great =) I can almost put my head to the ground. Hehee..nothing great to see down there though ;)

I've also added to the store. Just a little something in the arts page :) I painted it yesterday..damn thing took me hours! I kept messing up :(